Three Hour Breakfast
So I was reading through Shii’s random links posted on Shii’s Three Hour Breakfast, where Shii posts randon links.
And I thought on commenting on one of them, like how many other posts start off as. Thoughts.
There was one problem. The image was painfully “Print Screen” -ed, Ctrl+V in Paint (I suppose), saved in hideous BMP, then cropped in some other image manupilation programme. I thought of linking you to the page, but like I mentioned earlier, it was where Shii posts random links. Random. If you still do not know what I’m trying to imply, go visit 4chan and you’ll have an idea of how quickly and contagious random is.
But rather, it was because I was the jester of procastination (I believe king’s taken by someone else already, and I’m not female) that I only just started blogging on 22 December about a post that was on 8 December 2007, a day after my birthday, and a day (+ X years) after the day Pearl Harbor got bombed.
Whoops, let the cat out of the bag. The Internet is so successful at providing you convinence and information that you always are too lazy to actually do something and make the final step. (I order you to sympathize with me and say “Yea! I also feel that way!”)
So, as the combined effect of that, my laziness, and my extreme faith that Shii will regard somebody directly Shii’s picture as fawning attention to Shii instead of murderous intent against Shii, I now present to you the…
… picture. Hmm how was my post originally written? I don’t remember posting the picture so early into the
rant post before I unintentionally deleted the entire draft. Oh well, out of the point (shoos reader).
In retrospect, I doubt Shii will ever care, rendering all that fuss about Shii obsolete. How many times have I mentioned Shii? I’m too lazy to count. In this age of anonimity and the Internet, you’d think there’d be at least a gender-neutral pronoun in common usage. Damnation, I’m starting to sound like Kyon. Had too much Suzumiya Haruhi media. I blame Tanigawa Nagaru for all this. Don’t you just love Wikipedia? I seem to love sidetracking, in addition.
After much toil and labor, we finally get to the main course. Yum digital meat.
You’re supposed to scroll up and memorize the picture, ‘cos that’s what I’m going to blog about.
After 5 minutes, you start reading this paragraph. You either:
- Continue being a good boy and continue reading.
- Get totally impatient and scroll down to the last paragraph.
- Find out two possibilities such a situation as outlined in the topic arises if you followed 1., or find about the causes for it if you followed 2.. There is no 3.. How paradoxical.
So you chose 1.
You start eating the digital meat. As you are supposed to have seen and memorized in the picture above, 32% of people bought totally unrelated stuff after viewing the “Fresh Whole Rabbit”. Not only that, but those items seem like the kind mental patients would buy.
One type of mental patient is the kind who would bring a yo-yo out into public dragging it behind him thinking that it was a dog and he was bringing it out on a walk.
The other is one who thought that he was the center of the universe and America was the center of the Earth’s crust. Of course, that is not true, but it is an obvious fact that the Earth is the center of the universe and that every sheet of paper you waste more than a hundred thousand trees are cut down, depending on how quickly you waste paper.
According to a quotation from Wikipedia, “WHO estimated that about 450 million people worldwide currently suffer from some form of mental or behavioral disorder.” and also from Wikipedia, “In September 2007, the world’s population is believed to have reached over 6.6 billion.”
With a calculator and an 8 year old that will actually listen to you, you can get him to do the ever so difficult elementary school calculations that will lead you to conclude that the average percentage of people with mental illnesses at any given time is slightly less than 7%. Wow, that’s hugh, but yet that’s not 32%.
So why the 25% boost in senile people? Yet, as you can see, its more than that. Mentally ill people won’t go buying such things, it’s only the 2 mentally ill types that I outlined above.
One fine day a mentally ill person decided to go e-shopping for a “Fresh Whole Rabbit” to herd his ill-mannered sheepdog which kept on breaking its leash and running off to God-noes-where. But upon seeing that thumbnail of a “Fresh Whole Rabbit” which you have already memorized, he decides a white one would be better because “Otherwise I cannot tell the ribbit from the poop and may accidentally step on the ribbit instead”. Pete knows what tadpole-viable stomach this cruel guy has. Ask him, not me.
He then remembers seeing a bright fluorescent cute tattoos on one organic dog he saw in one of his walks, as well as those jazzy lights some yo-yos have, which he saw in a stunt show. He then hits upon a stroke of genius and decide to coat his dog in radioactive ore (which in real life, doesn’t glow visibly) so that he could find it easily. He is the first buyer of “Uranium Ore” who viewed “Fresh Whole Rabbit” before.
Enter the sane guy.
He comes to this website searching for a dead “Fresh Whole Rabbit” to scare off his nemesis when he comes over for dinner and give him a bout of indigestion. Then he sees that the skin of the rabbit is brown. He immediately thinks of poop and has a bout of indigestion himself. Before he leaves for the latrine he spots at the bottom on the page….
“What Do Customers Buy After Viewing This?”
“100% buy this alternative”
(insert picture here)
The sane guy goes, “Hey wait a moment”, and volia! he was instantly cured of digestion. However, he instead started to do something worse: talking to himself aloud and not realizing it. “With this so extremely popular 100% foolproof Uranium Ore, I can put an end to that bastard retard and his idiotic yo-yo once and for all!”
So the sane person bought the “Uranium Ore”.
For a horror ending, click here.
For a happy ending, press Alt+F4.
For a teary ending, choose option 3..
For the conclusion, close your eyes, then read on.
I suppose the sane guy got irridated by the yo-yo and the other got irridated by the weiner the sane guy used as a substitute and one became Yoyoman and the other became Hotdogman but their adventures are out of the focus of this post.
So yeah, basically subsequent buyers tend to follow the first buyer after seeing “100% buy this” and there goes lots of people buting the same random idiotic product.
By the way, the story outlined above is totally fictional. Any similarities to real-life people and happennings are purely coencidental. If you feel suspicious that I’m blogging about you, FFS, W(hy)TH ARE YOU STILL READING THIS?! GO GET AN APPOINTMENT WITH YOUR PSYCHIATRIST ASAP!! BEFORE YOU HURT ANYBODY or turn them into AndSoCanYouMan.
Continue to the last paragraph.
You now find out that you actually did not have to memorize anything. The answer to the topic of this post is that a combination of tabbed browsing, bored kids and too much money will create such a picture after being put into the blender. Meh. I should have thought of that earlier.